


Waterloo Sunset

by MadCatta



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Care Home, Carer!Dean, Dementia, Desperation Play, FTM!Dean, Genderqueer Character, M/M, Other, genderqueer!jo, trans!Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-10 22:39:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3305975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadCatta/pseuds/MadCatta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of travelling the country sorting out the budgets for the masses, Castiel returns home to Kansas, to his sister's chaotic household and to his sick mother. Anna has four children and a partner, Jo. And that's okay. Mom has vascular dementia and lives in a care home now, and that's less okay. </p><p>One of her carers, with green eyes and freckles dusting his cheeks... Yeah. He's definitely okay.  </p><p>(In which Dean and Cas have cute, kinky sex in between caring for Cas's sick mother and navigating their siblings' domestic family lives)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Cas is uneasy, stepping into the care home. The place itself is much as he’d imagined, similar to a hotel lobby, a member of staff running up to greet him as soon as he enters. The building holds up to 36 residents, but it’s not completely full. It’s an expensive place; that much Castiel knows. His mother can afford it, and she can be difficult. Castiel’s sister, Anna, had informed him they were adequately trained to handle demented patients, which had been part of the reason she’d chosen this home.

There’s a small, childish part of him that still feels Mom is capable of looking after herself, with some help. Petulantly, it wants his mother’s love and affections, not her scared face and whimpers. It’s horrible, and Cas would rather stay far away from this nursing home. But he’d promised Anna…

He hasn’t a small family. In theory, there’s more than enough of the Miltons to look after Mom. However, Anna’s been her main carer for over a year, despite having two young children, because she’d always lived so close to home. Castiel’s younger sister, Hael, is off travelling with her girlfriend Cassie. There’s Naomi and Inias, both older than Castiel, but Naomi is the Dean of Yale, and Inias is an important orthopedic surgeon. Anna, with her simple family and Cas with his work in auditing, if only because Hael is the baby of the family.

Out of respect to his older sister, that’s why Cas has come home.

“Hello, may I help you?”

Cas blinks at the member of staff in front of him. “Oh - hello. My mother has become a resident here and -”

“Her name, please?” the woman interrupts him.

“Milton. Hester Milton.”

She nods. “My colleague, Beth, will take you to her.”

Mom’s in the lounge area of the home. Beth circles around the armchair she’s in and bends down. “Mrs Milton, you have a visitor,” Beth says loudly.

Cas frowns. His mother isn’t hard of hearing.

Mom stands up, looking thinner and more frail than last time he saw her. “Hello, Mother,” he says, uncomfortable, and is pulled into a weak hug.

“It’s you… Inias, that’s right, isn’t it…” she realizes Cas isn’t his brother on her own. “No… Castiel - no, um-”

Cas kisses her cheek. “It’s me, Mom. Castiel.”

“Castiel, yes,” says Mom. “You’re in California…”

Cas swallows. This is a great deal worse than the last time he saw her. “No, Mom. I’m here, with you.”

It’s a rather more awkward situation than Castiel had hoped. He’s been away a while, working in a city in Nebraska for the past five years. Mom’s decline has been fast - or so it seems to Castiel, as he isn’t sure how these things often progress. He’d come home for Christmas and she was Mom as usual, cooking for everyone with some help and bouncy and active. They’d always remarked how well she’d been doing for a widow in her mid seventies. 

The decline was very sudden, from Anna calling him and saying her memory had gotten worse and she was now on new medication to needing carers and five people going into the house every day, all in a month. And now, by September, it had become too much for Anna with her children. Too much for any of them. Cas had decided it was about time he bucked up and took the reigns from Anna, letting her care for her own family, for once.

But Cas never thought Mom was this bad. He had wanted to be there for the moving into the home, a few weeks back, but his replacement couldn’t make it in time so he’d stayed in Nebraska a few more weeks.

Mom sits back down and smiles at him. He sits next to her and looks around the home. It’s bright, with great big windows showing off the grounds Anna had been talking about. Most of the residents appear to be outside, few have remained in the room his mother sits in.

Cas almost asks her how she’s been, but Anna warned him questions can throw her off if she’s not having a good day, and Cas doesn’t know if this is a good day or not, so he tells her about Nebraska. Mom smiles more comfortably once he gets into talking, pulling a face when he goes into details about his job.

“Have they involved you in activities?” he asks, after he’s said all he can.

“Activities?” asks Mom, her face falling.

Oh. Cas curses himself. In the twenty minutes he’d been talking, he’d forgotten questions were bad. Still, a man - care worker, in his tunic - comes over. “Mrs Milton has been offered the delights of flower arranging but she declined. You certainly have strong opinions, huh?” he grins.

Mom folds her arms over her chest. “Flower arranging,” she sniffs. “Is cake decorating the next activity?”

The man winks at Cas. “Yes, but pretend it’s a surprise when they ask you, yeah? And would you like to introduce me to this fine man with you? Is this your boyfriend?”

Mom scowls. “He’s my son. Castiel.”

The man and Cas wait, patiently, for Mom to make the full introductions. Cas sighs eventually. “And who’s this, Mom?”

“Dean,” she says with irritation. “He keeps trying to get me to - to _do_ things.”

Dean grins easily. “I do, I do. But you keep complaining of boredom!”

Mom sniffs again.

Dean pulls a face at Cas. Cas scowls, mirroring his mother, but Dean carries on unperturbed. “Mrs Milton, I wondered if you and your son would like tea or coffee?”

“No, thank you,” says Cas quickly.

Mom considers the offer, looking desperate again.

“Or a nice glass of wine?” Dean offers with a wink.

Mom nods slowly. “Yes… I think that would be nice. Did - Castiel, would you like some wine?”

Cas hesitates. He’s driving home but a small glass would be okay. Although, it’s not yet five PM. “No, thank you.”

“One glass, coming right up.” Dean saunters off, talking to an older man on his way.

“Do you have to be so rude, Mom,” chides Cas. Mom fixes him with a glare so severe he cowers under it, as though he’s a small child again.

“I pay them enough,” she huffs.

She’s in a better mood after the wine, better company and better conversation. They hug again as Cas gets ready to leave, promising he’ll come back soon and then it’s back to Anna’s busy house, her children and partner. Cas finds it all rather overwhelming and prefers to hang out in his room for the time being. He’s grateful that his sister allows him his solitude rather than being offended.

He’s grateful to his sister for many things, in fact.

The next time he visits Mom, she’s in a better mood. She’s cheery, almost, and not insulting half the staff and even kisses Cas on his cheek, rubbing it afterwards. “There’s dirt on your cheek, Castiel,” she sighs.

Cas blushes, even though he’s in his mid thirties. He catches sight of Dean, sniggering, but pulling a straight face when he sees Cas is looking at him.

He winks, confusing Cas.

Mom waves Dean over. “Castiel, sweetheart, have you met Dean? He’s very handsome, I think you’ll like each other.”

Cas chooses to ignore the fact that they met last time. “It’s nice to meet you,” he says stiffly.

“Yeah, you too.”

Dean hovers. It’s kind of annoying, but he supposes someone should be keeping an eye, given how ill-equipped he is at dealing with his mother when she turns. They sit outside in the garden, ignoring the rain that spits on them. Mom talks about her childhood, about how she’d had her older sister’s jacket for five years, until the elbows wore away, and then Castiel gets up to go home. First, he escorts his mother back inside, because she’s remarkably frail these days, the dementia making her lose her appetite, and he settles her down on one of the armchairs she likes - she has very strong feelings concerning all of the armchairs.

He stands up, steps back and turns in one motion - and there’s something in his way, and a person swearing and then Cas is lying on top of a familiar man whose eyes have been on Cas all afternoon.

Cas flushes and scrambles off the floor, noting that he’s now damp. Dean’s gray uniform is damp too, hot coffee and cold milk.

“God - I’m so sorry-” Cas reaches out his hand and hauls Dean back up to standing.

Dean pulls his uniform top away from his body. “Wow. That coffee is hot, damn,” he says, blinking a few times, his eyes filling with tears. Dean was probably lucky to not have the coffee pot break over him, but there’s still some milk left in the jug on the floor, which Cas picks up off the floor and throws the liquid over Dean’s coffee-soaked middle.

Dean blinks at him some more. “Do you mind?”

“It was to cool the coffee,” Cas explains.

“Oh. Thank you?” Dean looks around and sighs at the mess. He bends down to start clearing it up, and Cas hastens to join him.

Hastens too fast, for their heads collide.

Cas swears, sitting back to nurse his head.

“Dude,” Dean shakes his head. “What did I ever do to you?”

Cas squints at him, not comprehending, but then he’s distracted by blood on Dean’s lip. “Dean - there’s - are you okay?”

Dean’s tongue flicks out to lick his lips. “I bit my tongue,” he pulls a face.

Another carer rushes over to help them clear up, piling all of the mess she can onto the tray Dean had been holding. “Oh my God, are you both okay?” she says, concerned.

“I think so,” Cas says slowly.

By the time the two of them are standing, the carer - and some others - are chuckling at their situation. Dean blushes, matching Cas’s color. Cas looks over his shoulder at his mom, shaking her head in disapproval.

“Try not to make more trouble, Castiel,” she says.

“Sorry, man,” says Dean, looking at Cas’s similarly damp outfit. “Come on, I’ll show you where the restrooms are.”

“Guess I’m gonna have to wear a different shirt,” frowns Dean, as he shows Cas down the corridor. “You okay? We’ve got a stock of scrubs just in case, if you wanna borrow a pair.”

Cas nods. Dean pulls out two pairs of green scrubs and points out the single restroom. Unfortunate; Cas had been hoping he would get to view Dean getting changed. They leave the restroom at the same time, Dean grinning sheepishly when he sees Cas.

“So, as the staff here, I guess I should apologize.”

“Not at all,” says Cas smoothly. “It was entirely my fault, I should have been more aware of my surroundings.” A thought occurs to him, and he decides to go with it. “Perhaps I could buy you coffee?”

Dean blinks again, long lashes fluttering. “That’d be awesome,” he says, grinning. His teeth are perfect. They exchange numbers, and, elated, Cas drives home.

Being left to his own devices in the house lasted a grand total of three days. Anna is neat and militant in how she runs her household. There’s a post it for every family member – Castiel’s is a horrible shade of orange, and these litter the fridge. Reminders, things to buy, phone calls, events… it hurts Cas’s head, to look at the fridge.

She doesn’t put the usual array of assignments and highly graded papers on the fridge – Anna has pride filled folders for each of her four children, and there’s a carefully updated whiteboard of chores.

As Cas is staying indefinitely, he’s been included in the chore chart. They don’t get their allowance if the chores aren’t complete.

Cas worries Anna might employ the same tactic for him.

Five year old Allie pokes her head around the kitchen door. “Oh,” she says, and goes back to play with her Legos. Cas tries not to be offended. Anna’s third child has yet to warm up to him.

The children have the run of the living room, and the chore chart in the kitchen makes Cas feel like a child, so he tends to stick to his bedroom or out in the yard. Coming from a large city, where he’d been working for the past six years, to Lawrence is a big difference. It’s quieter, more homely. It doesn’t feel like the place he grew up in as they used to live in the centre, and now are in the suburbs.

It’s quieter, but no more peaceful. Less peaceful, in fact, with four children in the house. It’s not something Cas is used to, being the second youngest. And, as if on cue, Allie starts to wail, Kristen and Sam start to yell, and Castiel sighs. He prays that Anna’s free to deal with her children but then he hears a door opening, and the shrieking of ‘Zaza!’

Jo Harvelle-Milton is Anna’s partner. They’ve been dating since Cas was a child and he feels he knows her better than his older brother.  Xe barges into Cas’s room holding xyr baby on xyr hip, frowning at Cas. “What are you doing hiding out here?”

Cas pulls a face. “I’m not hiding,” he argues, but Jo rolls xyr eyes.

“Cook or babysit, what’s your preference?”

Cas would rather neither. “Where’s Anna?”

“Taking a bath.”

Cas scowls.

Jo sighs. “Take this,” and xe hands Cas the baby, “and lighten up. There’s two kids downstairs who’d love some attention, and one missing that you could find.”

Baby Delilah gurgles and bats her hands together. Jo kisses her cheek and marches out of the room to make dinner.

It’s only then Cas notices the foul smell coming from the baby.

He hates his sibling-in-law.

~

Mom cries as soon as he gets there, asking for Anna and telling him very sternly that she wishes to be alone. Cas stands there awkwardly, waiting for someone to tell him what to do as Mom puts her head in her hands and starts to wail.

He’s never been more grateful when Dean comes over and pats her back, but eventually Mom goes away to lie down. Cas doesn’t want to leave just yet; he’s got a cup of coffee to drink.

He sits outside on a garden bench, sipping the hot coffee. This place is expensive, meaning the coffee is excellent. Dean comes over and nods, drinking his own cup. “On my break,” he explains.

Cas moves along the bench, gesturing for Dean to sit down beside him.

Dean sits stiffly and quickly starts to fidget. He takes a long gulp of his coffee after some moments of a silence they’re both painfully aware of, hissing as it burns his tongue. Cas laughs; he can’t help himself, and Dean looks at him. They grin together and Dean sits more comfortably in his seat.

Cas considers this a win.

Jo’s asleep on the couch when Cas comes back into the house, xyr arms around Delilah, snoring together. Anna’s on the other couch, sipping camomile tea and watching her partner and daughter with a fond expression, as Allie and Sam play together in the centre of the room. Kristen’s plugged into some handheld electric device, and so for the first time since Castiel’s moved into his sister’s house, it’s calm. He’s feeling brave enough to sit down next to Anna and organize his notes, notes which he’s been starting to write based on how best to deal with his mother.

It’s calm and quiet and relaxed, for about half an hour. Then –

“ _Sam_ , that’s _my_ piece!” Allie shouts, much too loudly.

Jo awakens with a snort, rousing Delilah. She starts to scream, Sam starts to shout back at Allie, then Kristen tells them both to be quieter. The peace is broken and the living room dissolves into chaos, as Jo tries xyr best to settle Delilah and Anna the others. Sam starts to pout and reaches out to kick Allie in the shin. She looks down at her leg, shocked, before bursting into tears, wailing for her parents.

Cas watches this develop into mayhem until Anna puts an end to it; she stands and scowls, crossing her arms.

“All of you, be quiet!” she says firmly, tapping her foot. They quieten down some. “Sam, you are going to apologize to Allie for kicking her, right now.”

Sam crosses his arms.

“Sam!”

“Sorry, Allie,” he mutters to the floor.

Allie crosses her own arms. “Thank you,” she replies, sniffing and wiping her nose on her sleeve.

Anna sends Kristen and Sam off into the kitchen to unload the dishwasher. She bends down and offers a tissue to Allie, makes her blow her nose into it and wipes off her cheeks with Anna’s sleeves. There’s a final big hug and kiss on the cheek before Allie starts to smile again, her blue eyes shining.

And then the words, “Perhaps I could take the children to the park,” creep out of Castiel’s mouth. He presses his lips together fast, praying to retract them, but Anna stares at him as though he’s offered her all the money in the world.

Allie’s hand is sticky in Cas’s, sharp little fingernails digging into his hand. He holds on regardless, trusting Sam and Kristen to be old enough to walk freely. The park is busy, it being a warm afternoon, and Kristen quickly dashes off to join a group of girls climbing trees. Cas watches her black ponytail bobbing off, wishing he too could leave, but then Allie starts to tug on his hand. He’s led over to the swings, Allie hopping on eagerly.

“Uncle Cas,” she whines, “push me!”

Uncle Cas. He’s not been called that before. He’s got thee nieces and one nephew, and has never been called Uncle Cas. With a need to please, he starts pushing Allie on the swing with vigour.

Sam sits on the swing beside Allie, scowling, so Cas doesn’t offer to push him. He hadn’t been much interested in coming to the park, but wasn’t offered a choice by Jo.

Allie doesn’t tire on the swings, and ten minutes later Cas looks around and notices Sam isn’t sitting beside them.

He’s supposed to keep a careful eye on the children. Kristen’s pink leggings are visible through the trees – although she’s high up the tree. He curses himself for not taking more of a notice, but there are other parents around who don’t seem too worried.

He’s not –

Allie slams into him on her backwards swing, knocking Cas over. He’s flat on his back and looking up at the sky, blinking away stars and tears.

“Uncle Cas?” Allie’s worried face swims into his view.

Cas coughs and struggles to sit up. People are looking over at him, and Sam’s rushing over from where he’s been stroking a dog.

He blinks a few times in surprise, because he sees a face he didn’t think he’d see here. Dean’s running over and drops to the floor in front of him. “Hey – man – you okay?”

He watches as Dean blinks his long lashes and take in who it is in front of him. “Yo, Cas, right?” He stands and holds out a hand to pull Cas up.

Cas staggers as he’s pulled up.

Dean claps him on the shoulder. “Kid, you really did a number on him,” he grins to Allie. Allie bites her lip, intimidated by new people.

“The old man should have got out the way, huh?”

Sam scowls. “He’s not our dad,” he tells Dean.

“No –“ Cas hastens to explain the relationship to Dean but Allie’s talking over him already.

“We don’t have a dad,” she says. “We have a mamma and a zaza.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean looks at Cas wih curiosity.

“Yup,” Allie continues, more enthusiastically than Cas has ever seen her, talking to strangers. “Zaza’s like a mommy and a daddy but better than both.”

“’Zaza’ is my sister’s partner,” Cas explains. “This is Allie, my niece, and Sam, my nephew.” He hesitates to elaborate more, finding talking about Jo’s gender uncomfortable, for he hasn’t the answers.

“So what, is that a gender neutral thing or…?”

Cas’s bottom lip drops. “Yes. Jo’s genderqueer.”

Dean nods. “Awesome.” He crouches down, to the same height as Allie. “Hey, Allie, do you like dogs?”

Allie purses her lips and nods slowly.

“Even real big dogs, ones that lick and run after balls and just loves to hug?”

Allie nods faster.

Dean nods his head over to the dog Sam had been petting. Sam leads the way back to the dog, nodding at the woman with the baby holding the dog on a leash. Dean’s girlfriend, probably. Or wife, she’s wearing a wedding ring. Cas dusts himself off and hurries after them.

“This is Rufus,” says Dean, rubbing the retriever’s head.

“Sure,” says the woman, “introduce the dog but not me.”

Dean pulls a face. Sam and Allie are oblivious and only interested in the dog. “Cas, this is my sister in law, Jessica. Jessica, Cas. Oh, and the baby’s Louis.”

Cas shakes Jessica’s hand and seeks out baby Louis’s hand, who holds onto his finger tightly. “Hello Jessica, Louis,” he says solemnly.

“Think he likes you,” Jessica smiles, jiggling Louis so he gurgles.

Dean claps him on the back, winking. “What’s not to like?”

Cas wants to kiss the smile off his face but shows some remarkable restraint in turning round to pull his niece and nephew away from the dog, and he’s so distracted he almost goes into the wrong house.

Thankfully, no one notices.

~

Dean’s sitting with a bottle of water in the window, head in a newspaper. Cas enters, Dean looks up, and his face brightens. Dean trips over his chair in his haste to get over to Cas. “Hey!” He claps Cas on the arm, face red from stumbling.

“Hello, Dean. May I get you a drink?”

“Coffee would be great.”

Cas returns with the coffees.

“So – how long ‘til we can start making out?”

Cas splutters on the mouthful of coffee he’s just taken. Dean winks. “Say something so I know if I was kidding or not.”

“That would be very pleasant.”

Dean looks up with his lips parted. “Awesome,” he grins, slurping his coffee. There’s an alley around the side of the building, and Dean takes his hand and leads him into it. Dean presses up against him, so close that Cas feels his breath on his lips. Cas leans in, presses his lips hard against Dean’s, and suddenly they’re making out against the wall like teenagers.

It’s been a long time since he last made out with someone, and Cas’s dick grows under the contact and close proximity. Dean pulls back and licks his lips, winding a thigh between Cas’s legs.

“Fuck,” Cas bites Dean’s plush lip. “We could go back to my place if you want.”

Dean stills, then lets his hand wander up Cas’s stomach. It’s cold and rough on his stomach, and he gulps when it plays with the waistband of his boxers. “Can’t, tonight. Gotta do this again, though.”

“Not over yet,” Cas breathes, pushing back against Dean. He brushes a hand against Dean’s dick, and then Dean’s hand is in his boxers and cool on his dick, rubbing and squeezing, his lips, Dean’s hard body against Cas’s…. Cas doesn’t stand a chance. He comes, embarrassed he’s not been able to laugh.

“It’s been a while,” he gasps, on his come down.

Dean pulls out his damp, sticky hand, and licks it off. “It’s cool,” and wipes his hand on his jeans.

There’s a drop on Dean’s lips. Holy fuck, Cas leans in to kiss it off. It’s bitter and sticky, and he’s never much liked the taste but it does things to him. Or, it does things to his dick.

Dean presses in, his head in the crook between Cas’s neck and shoulder. He kisses him and pulls back. “We should definitely do this again,” he gasps.

“Definitely.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this kind of features a desperation kink;;;; 
> 
> xoxo Cait

It’s not as uncomfortable as it should be, by rights, the next time Cas sees Dean. It’s in his mom’s nursing home, of course. And it’s okay. Dean winks when he comes in, acts like nothing’s happened, walking with a casual swagger, like’s not had a taste of Cas’s come.

Mom’s okay. Cas has a book with him, an old art book she’d given him years ago. Mom peers at it, flicking through it with interest. She recounts stories Cas has heard before and starts to offer opinions on the art, getting animated and like her old self. She’s great, in fact, until Cas asks what she’s done in the day.

Mom’s face falls. She looks down and then back up at him, bringing her hands together and furrowing her brow. “I… Castiel said he’d come.”

“Yes, Mom, I’m here,” says Cas.

“Castiel was meant to be…”

“Mom, that’s me,” Cas insists.

Her hands go up to her face. “Castiel?”

“Yes.”

“Oh…”

Cas swallows. “What did you have for lunch?”

Mom blinks and presses her lips together. “I… I don’t – did I have lunch?”

“Yes, Mom, you did.” Cas gives up and tries to get Mom engaged in the book again, but she’s gone now. It does work for a while, bringing up the points she’d brought up, but…

“Yes, you said that, not ten minutes ago,” Mom says, getting angry. “Dump me here, with these _people_ , like I’ve not spent my entire life raising you!”

He’s not good when she gets angry. “Mom…”

“And you do fucking nothing for me. Leave me here, all of this, just left to myself. It’s a disgrace, Castiel…”

Dean hurries over.

“Go away!” she shouts, drawing attention to herself.

“Mrs Milton, I only wanted to see if everything was okay,” says Dean, smiling his beautiful smile. It doesn’t work on Mom.

“I said go away! It’s me who pays you, not the – not the other way around –“ Tears appear in Mom’s eyes.

Dean backs off. “I’m sorry. I’ll go away.” And he does.

Mom heaves her chest. “You too,” she says to Cas. “Go away.”

He blinks a few times, unsure what to do. “Why are you angry?”

“Go away!”

Why should I, he wants to yell at her. Cas grits his teeth and stands up, because Mom is ill. And he goes away, because Mom is ill.

“Don’t take it personally,” Dean says, coming over to stand by him.

“I thought I would be telling you that,” remarks Cas.

“Used to it,” Dean shrugs. “Dementia’s a total bitch.”

Cas nods. He’s well aware.

“Listen, Cas, I’m off in like, a half hour. Maybe I could take you out, get your mind off of it?”

“Sounds great,” says Cas, lacking enthusiasm. Mom’s sitting there, crying, with someone else over trying to comfort her.

Dean nudges him with his elbow. “Listen, just brush it off. She’s frustrated, the things she thinks she can do aren’t possible, her memory’s fucked and she can’t deal with that…”

Cas sighs. “Yes, I appreciate that. That doesn’t mean it’s easy.”

“Yeah, it’s horrible. I’m really sorry, dude.”

Cas goes to the bathroom and when he returns, Mom’s stopped crying and has a cup of tea in front of her. He hugs her.

Dean’s out the front in his own clothes, jeans and a plaid shirt loose over his black t-shirt. He salutes Cas, winking as he likes to, and rubs a hand over his mouth. “I need a drink or something, I’ve been working for the past 18 hours.”

Cas raises his eyebrows. “Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

Dean takes him to a nearby bar, one Cas has seen in passing a few times but never been inside. The place itself is dark and cosy, so busy and vibrant compared to the unease at the care home.

Dean swallows down a fast beer, looking more refreshed already.

“Last time we didn’t manage to talk much,” Cas says through a small smile.

“My fault,” grins Dean. “I’m kind of – I’ve not had sex in a while. I’m only human and you’re hot, so…”

Cas grins. “Yes, I am hot.”

Dean leans over the table, faces inches apart. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please do,” Cas replies.

Kissing Dean is very pleasant. He’s upset when Dean pulls back, so he reaches a hand up to pull his chin in for another kiss.

Yes, very good indeed.

They pull apart again. “I gotta pee,” says Dean, getting up and leaving. Cas admires his ass as he leaves.

What a great ass.

When Dean returns, there’s a slight bulge in his pants. Low – he’s big.  Cas gulps. Dean catches him looking and looks down, blushing. “Oh – uh –“

“It’s okay,” grins Cas. “I find you very hot too.”

Dean’s distracted from then after. He has another beer, is off to pee again, and the bulge is gone. The image of him jerking off in the restroom gets him hot and bothered, but he’s probably just adjusted himself. Cas doesn’t bring it up again.

~

 Cas floats down onto the couch, chest fluttering. Anna drops down next to him, and Jo the other side, until he’s sandwiched between them.

“Where’ve you been?” asks Anna.

“Out,” Cas replies.

“With whom?” asks Jo.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” grunts Cas.

“Was it a boy?” croons Jo.

“Was it a pretty girl?” asks Anna.

“Was it a genderfluid person?” Jo reaches up to pinch his cheek.

Cas slaps xyr off and gets up to the kitchen. They follow him, giggling together. He fills the kettle and flips it on. Anna reaches up to run her hands through his hair and he swears at her.

“Castiel!” Anna steps back, scowling. “Baby brother, really, cussing?”

“Fuck off,” he says irritably.

Jo slaps him in the belly. “No – Kristen, sweetie, what are you doing up?”

Cas whirls around, where Kristen’s standing on the steps, thumb in mouth.

 “Can’t sleep,” she says through her thumb. “Uncle Cas said a bad word.”

“Yes, didn’t uncle Cas,” Anna frowns at him as she goes to her daughter. “But I’ll tell you what, if you go upstairs right now and settle into bed, I’ll send up Zaza with some hot milk and xe’ll read you a story.”

Cas stifles a chuckle at the face Jo pulls behind Anna’s back. “Oh, Zaza can’t wait…”

“So, seriously Cas,” Anna says when Jo’s gone upstairs, “were you on a date?”

“I might have been.”

“Do I know them?”

Cas scowls. “Maybe.”

She nudges him in the side, shoulder up against his chest, pressing closer and closer to him. “Will you tell me?”

Cas flicks the kettle again, having forgotten about his coffee. He prepares it instead of answering Anna’s question, making some for his sister as he does so and putting the two mugs on the kitchen table. She sits down heavily, stifling a yawn and rubbing the bags under her eyes. “I’m telling you, little bro, it’s tiring as fuck having four kids.”

“I can see that.”

She blows on the top of her coffee. “Seriously, who?”

Cas sighs and slurps his coffee. “You might know him,” he says, with some reluctance.

“How might I know him?”

Cas shrugs.

“Have you slept with him yet?” That’s Jo, entering the room.

“Uh – it wasn’t quite –“ Cas can feel the pink rising in his cheeks.

“Oh my God, my baby brother is so easy,” splutters Anna.

“Shut up.”

~

Sometimes Mom struggles for words, and it’s painful to watch. He wants to help her, offer the words that escape her, but he doesn’t understand what she tries to say.

He can’t always do much with her, especially when she’s lost for what to do. She sits there, worrying her hands, tears in her eyes.

“Mom…”

Cas is helpless.

“I don’t – what do I do?” she swallows back tears. “I don’t know what to do. I have to…” she trails off.

“There’s nothing you have to do,” assures Cas. “You can just relax.”

Mom looks at him like he’s insane.

“What do you do when she asks that?” Cas asks Dean, watching his mother press herself into the couch.

Dean tips his head to the side. “It depends, what I think she’s up to. There’s a couple of women here she’s fond of, usually up for a walk. Or…” Dean shrugs. “Sometimes, I just give up. I don’t want to make her do something she doesn’t want to do, and it’s hard to keep suggesting things.”

“Have you met my sister Anna?”

“Tall, skinny, ginger chick?”

Cas nods. “She looked after my mother for four years. I wonder how she did it.”

Dean shrugs again. ”I got into this because when I was a kid, my dad was sick. Really sick, he died when I was twenty six. Mom spent years looking after him, and me and my brother pitched in when we could. My little brother was away at college, and I was young and knew Mom could take care of it… My mom’s kind of incredible,” Dean say, smiling fondly.

“Sorry about your father.”

“It was a long time ago.” He looks away, smiling ruefully.

“How long ago?”

“Nosy,” says Dean. “About eight years.”

So he’s four years younger than Cas. Same age as Hael, in fact.

Inias calls late that evening. It’s been a long time since Cas has spoken to him, for no reason other than them both having busy jobs.

“Sorry I haven’t spoken to you more recently, Castiel. I’ve been very busy in surgery, you wouldn’t believe the amount of fucking bunions I’ve been fixing recently. I hope you’re not dating a woman who wears stupidly high heels and wastes money getting the damage they cause fixed…” Inias carries on like this, while Cas stares at the stilettos Jo’s wearing. Jo does a lot of things most of his family hate. Castiel loves that about xyr, and he’s sure that’s part of reason Anna’s fallen so hard for xyr. Xyr vegetarianism, liberal political beliefs, loose concepts of genders and gender roles. A freedom in xyr sexuality, the ability to use guns. The stilettos are under a pair of loose, tailored pants, a masculine cut shirt, a flatter chest than usual.

Finally, Inias has finished with his self important rambles. “How have you been, brother?”

“Well, thank you. It’s very unlike what I’m used to, living here…”

“What, with Anna and her adopted sprogs? I’ll bet you never lived anywhere so loud.”

“Have you forgotten when Naomi played the drums?”

Inias chuckles. “How could I? How’s our mother doing?”

Cas narrows his eyes. “She’s difficult. Inias…” he sighs. “I find her very challenging at times. Have you seen her recently?”

“No, I haven’t,” he admits. “Challenging?”

“It’s complicated… She’s nothing like she used to be.”

“Dementia does that, yes. And of course, with vascular dementia, how the mini strokes affect her mind and the progression can be very fast. You understand how it works, yes?”

“Yes –“ but Inias interrupts.

“See, vascular dementia happens with brain damage as whole great sections of neurons lose oxygen and their vital nutrients, and with that brain death there’s a lapse in-“

“Inias, I know,” says Cas irritably.

“I was only saying,” Inias grumps. “What’s the Home like?”

“Good. Clean, adequate facilities, numerous activities for Mom if she allows herself to be included, the staff are admirable in what they do…” he thinks of Dean, his cocky smirk, the care he gives and has. “They care a lot.”

“Good. We’re paying them enough.”

Anna enters the kitchen, Allie on her hip. “Is that Inias?”

Cas nods, missing what Inias has just said.

“Gimme,” says Anna, and takes the phone off of him.

“Anna!” Cas sprotests, but Anna’s holding up a hand, shushing him like she would her child.

A mug of coffee made especially for Anna sits on the table, innocent and steaming. Childishly, he tips salt into it and sits back on the counter, waiting for her to drink it.

Jo grins at the spectacle. “What’s next, Cas? Thumb tack on the chair?”

Allie’s looking away from him, so Cas flips Jo off. “You’d understand if you had siblings.”

“Sweetie,” Jo smirks. “I’ve got you.”

~

Mom’s going to stay with Naomi for the weekend, and in the past month he’s seen Mom at least every two days. Four days without seeing Mom – without seeing Dean – and he’s getting frustrated in the house. He takes out his old laptop and heads to a coffee shop, and for the first time in eight years, Castiel starts writing.

It’s nothing, first there’s a poor poem, and then he starts to type. Four hours later, he has 2000 words into a story.

It’s a hidden talent of his, one he rarely chooses to show. Anna calls, just when he’s deep in his tale.

“I need you to pick up Sam from soccer.”

No pleases.

“I have no car,” Cas reminds her.

“Fuck.” Anna hangs up the phone.

Cas stares at the phone glumly, and puts it back in his pocket. He’s lost his train of thought, and it takes him some time to get back into his story. There’s a new character, one with bright green eyes and freckles. Cas has a strong affinity for this character, he might in fact be the love interest – no, a settled man with another man and…

Cas stares at his screen, at the last 500 words, at the notes he’s got in another page. Dean.

Dean, Dean, Dean. Dean grinning with green eye flashing, Dean chuckling deep in his chest, Dean’s spiked up hair.

Cas sighs and deletes the last 500 words.

Anna calls again, this time with strict instructions on how Cas is going to get to Sam’s school and how they’ll get back home. Cas has no choice.

Sam – Samandriel – is small and slight, and has taken to soccer about as well as Castiel did himself.

Cas hated soccer. He would regularly feign sick notes and hide in the library, or, as he got older, in the woodshop classroom. Samandriel kicks out at a pine cone as they wait for the bus, tugging at his jersey with distaste. His heavy sighs punctuate the silence far too regularly.

“Is everything okay, Samandriel?” Cas finally asks, putting his hands into the pockets of his trench coat.

“Fine,” Sam grunts.

“You’ve certainly convinced me,” Cas replies.

Sam folds his hands over his chest. “What does it matter to you?”

Cas looks along the road, wishing the bus would come. They’ve been waiting here far too long and the imminent conversation is unlikely to help the time pass. But Castiel has a responsibility to his nephew. “It matters,” he ventures. “Your emotional well being is important to me.”

Samandriel snorts. “I – detect – my – human – charge –is – _feeling_ ,” he says, imitating a computerised voice.

The child isn’t even a teenager yet. “Have I offended you, Samandriel?”

“Sam,” he corrects.

Cas frowns down at his nephew.

 _Sam_ lets out another exaggerated sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Cas tells him.

“Is Samandriel struggling in school?” Cas asks Anna when she returns. Anna’s dressed in a smart suit with a pencil skirt and her hair pulled up neatly, looking very much unlike herself.

“I don’t think so, why?” Anna dips her finger into the pot of sauce Castiel is currently cooking, and grimaces.

“Is it that bad?” Cas dips a clean spoonful in and blows. “It tastes...”

“Very sweet, Cas. Like, way too sweet. What did you do to the chilli?”

Cas frowns down at the bubbling sauce. “I added too much salt. I looked up how to reduce the flavour of salt and sugar was recommended…”

“How much did you add?” Anna drapes a hand across his shoulder and kisses his cheek. “Little bro, when are you gonna learn how to cook?”

Cas shrugs her off. “Have you noticed Samandriel acting strangely recently, perhaps less happy than he was?”

“You think he’s being bullied?”

“It’s just a thought,” Cas replies.

“Which means yes.”

“I hope not.” Anna starts another pot of water boiling, ready to add in rice. “Wanna make a salad?”

He continues to frown as he slices vegetables. “Perhaps he’s picking up on the stress here in the house.”

“What stress?” Anna purses her lips as she looks at him.

“The stress of a new baby, our ill mother, my undesired presence in this house and perhaps he is of the age where he begins to question how he came into this life,” Cas answers her.

“Oh my God, Cas, I was being facetious.”

“We’re talking about the emotional wellbeing of your child, I would prefer it if you weren’t so facetious,” says Cas with irritation.

Anna pours rice into the boiling water. “My child, my rules.”

“So you’re professing that you have no consideration that your child could be in pain –“

Anna slams the lid down on the pot. “You can fuck off right now if that’s what you think.”

“Tell me,” says Cas, breathing hard, “Tell me what it is you really think.”

“You’re a fucking idiot sometimes, Castiel.” Anna’s cheeks are pink with anger. “I don’t want you butting in with how I raise my kids. I’m gonna go talk to my son later, I’m gonna deal with this. As of yet I am stressed and starving and I would feel much better equipped to deal with any bullying when Jo returns. Is that okay?”

Suitably snubbed, Cas brings his gaze away from his sister.

“I know you mean well, Cas,” Anna sighs, “but I fucking care about my kids, and I don’t like you insinuating otherwise.”

Cas swallows, heat prickling his cheeks. “Apologies,” he says, and proceeds to make a salad.

~

The next time they go out for a drink, Dean invites Cas back with him. They’re drunk, giggly, unable to keep their hands off each other. Getting home is a cab ride and Cas puts his finger on Dean’s lips to stop him protesting Cas paying. Dean sucks the finger into his mouth, working his tongue around it.

They support each other up the path to where Dean lives, and Dean spends a good few minutes fumbling for his keys. He whoops when he pulls them out of the pocket – where Cas told him to look like eight times – and then Dean shushes them both like it was Cas talking. Dean unlocks the front door and pushes it open into the darkness.

“I live with my brother and his wife,” Dean whispers as he steps into the house, over-enunciating in his intoxication.

Cas follows him closely. “I’ll be quiet,” he hisses back, and promptly trips over a chair.

Light explodes in the room, hurting Cas’s eyes, He turns away from it, hiding his face in his arm. He blinks a few times before he’s able to handle the light without it blinding him.

There’s a new person in the room. A tall man. A very, very tall man, in just a light tee shirt and boxer shorts. Cas blinks a few times and frowns. “You’re very tall,” he says.

Dean throws an arm around the giant. “Sammy! Sammy, Sammy, Sammy,” he says. “Hey, Sammy, this is my good buddy Cas!” Dean grabs Cas’s arm and pulls him towards ‘Sammy’.

‘Sammy’ scowls at them both. “If you wake up Louis, I’ll kill you,” he says, and stomps back off upstairs.

Dean fusses in the fridge and pulls out two beers, handing one to Cas. They slurp the beers in between alcohol-laced kisses, and Dean drags him upstairs.

It goes fast, with his inebriated state. One minute, Dean’s kissing his neck, the next he’s sucking his cock, finally Cas comes down his throat and they curl up together on the bed, sinking into a blissful sleep.

Cas watches the rise and fall of Dean’s chest, the freckles splattered across his face, his eyelids. He’s beautiful. The flare of his nostrils, the fluttering of his eyelids.

“Are you watching me sleep?” he rumbles.

“I might be,” smiles Cas.

“Creepy.” Dean turns over and presses back against Cas.

He starts to rub his ass on Cas’s front. “Oh, hello,” he says, rubbing harder against his morning wood.

Cas slips his hand up Dean’s shirt, getting higher and higher. Dean turns around again, onto his back this time.

“Cas, listen,” Dean starts, biting his lip. “There’s something I should tell you…”

Dean’s tense, next to him. Cas slips an arm over his shoulder.

“I don’t tell a lot of people this, because it’s none of their business and it really makes no difference but – uh, I’m trans.”

“Oh. Thank you for telling me,” Cas replies.

Dean turns again, facing him. “So, we’re cool?”

“Of course,” says Cas, leaning in to kiss his nose.

Dean smiles.

Cas lets his gaze wander down, past where the blankets cover their bodies. He can’t help but wonder about Dean – about the bulge he’d seen earlier. He almost asks – but then, how would he feel if Dean asks his dick size? How hairy his butt is, all this sort of personal information he only has right to know if they have intercourse. It’s rude, and it’s only Castiel’s business when Dean wants to make it his business.

Dean’s still looking up at him, sort of hesitant, so Cas rolls him onto his back and straddles him. Dean’s hands come up to Cas’s waist but Cas takes these and pulls them above Dean’s head, restraining him with one of his hands. He presses his interested crotch into Dean’s abdomen, kissing him roughly.

Dean moans into his mouth, rolling his hips back. “Come on,” he murmurs, “I gotta pee.”

Cas ignores him – or, he pretends to ignore him. With his free hand, he toys with the bottom of Dean’s shirt and slides it up, twisting Dean’s nipple. Dean groans beneath him, groaning harder when Cas shifts so some of his weight is on Dean’s bladder.

“Dude, seriously,” says Dean, breathless. He groans again. “Fuck…”

It’s hot. Seriously. Dean starts to bite his lip, an edge of desperation in his voice, in his eyes.

“Can I-?” Cas brings his hand down to Dean’s boxers.

“God, yes,” Dean moans.

It’s warm, down Dean’s boxers. There’s no dick, there’s a fake one instead, which is kind of inserted in him, but Cas knows his way around a vagina. Even one that belongs to a guy.

It’s wet, very wet. He crooks one finger inside, upwards, towards himself.

“Ah, fuck, Cas,” Dean’s frantic, almost pained. “That’s really fucking – _ugh_ …”

Cas rubs his thumb over the clit, the clit that must be about two inches long. It’s incredible, he can’t wait to get his eyes on it, his lips, but he crooks the finger again and again. Looking up, there are tears in Dean’s eyes, and worried, Cas stops. “Is this okay?”

“Yes, fucking yes,” moans Dean. “But I really have to pee, I –  _fuck –_ “

It’s just so hot, watching Dean writhe, pressing down on his bladder so he whimpers. Rubbing up in his vagina, Cas knows it rubs on his urethra. Two fingers in, and it occurs to Cas that he should have asked whether Dean would have preferred ass or front. But Dean’s rocking his hips in between his whimpers, and pressing on the bladder isn’t nearly as fun in anal as in vaginal.

Cas whirls and whirls his thumb over Dean’s clit. It’s big enough that he can actually use a thumb and a finger along the shaft of his clit.

It’s glorious.

Dean throws his head back, grunting, and Cas can tell he’s close. His body trembles, clenching, tensing and then he yelps, releasing a deep breath. Wetness slides out of him, and Cas is desperate to pull down Dean’s pants and lick it all up.

“I think I peed a little,” Dean gasps. “Holy fuck, dude. What was that?”

Cas shrugs innocently. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah, but I’ve never had to pee so bad in my life, shit,” he struggles to sit up. Cas kisses him, releasing Dean’s hands and pulling up Dean’s top. He kisses up the dark hairs to Dean’s belly button.

“Let go of me or I’ll piss all over you.”

Cas raises his eyebrows suggestively.

Dean shakes his head. “One step at a time, dude. I did not know you were kinky, Mr Vanilla.”

“I like to surprise,” says Cas.

Dean swings his legs off the bed and pulls up his pants, close to waddling to the bathroom. Dean leaves the door open as he pees, letting out a moan as he does so. He’s standing to pee, and out of interest and ignoring his cock that presses angrily on his pants, Cas goes in.

“How…?”

Dean looks down and shakes his dick. “STP.”

“What?”

“Stand To Pee, it’s a packer you can pee through. It’s uh, what you saw at the bar, it wasn’t my hard on or anything. It just slipped out of place. Are you gonna watch me to the end?”

Cas puts his hands on Dean’s hips, up right behind him. Dean lets him.

“If you’ve seen me pee,” Dean starts when he’s finished peeing, “does that mean, we’re like… more serious than seeing each other?”

Cas kisses up his neck. “I’d like to be.”

“Sounds good to me.” Dean pulls away to wash his hands but he turns around in Cas’s arms afterwards, arms around each other, Dean’s hard packer against Cas’s hard cock.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey u cool cats  
> this chapter is super gay and super cute   
> love you xoxo cait

They act very civilly when at the home. It would be unprofessional, probably, but more Dean wants to remember whom he’s caring for. But they stand outside together for ten minutes, during Dean’s break. Dean’s job takes up a huge amount of his time, and he likes to go to his mother’s at least twice a week, so Cas doesn’t spend much time with Dean.

Apparently, Castiel does nothing. Anna too, in fact, the only one of their siblings to be respected by their mother is Naomi. Castiel listens to his mother bitching and moaning about all his siblings, nodding and apologizing every now and again, watching Dean interacting with other members of the home. Sometimes he bends over, and Cas shamelessly stares at his ass.

He should feel guilt over what he’s doing rather than listening to his ill mother, but then she badmouths Hael - Hael, who’s had a rough time over the years. Hael, with her obsessive compulsive disorder, her depression. Cas stiffens; it’s all he can do not to yell at Mom, which would surely make things worse.

Dean comes over to them, finally. “Mrs Milton,” he greets cheerily. “And how are we today?”

“‘We’ are just fine,” sniffs Mom.

Not too long ago, should Dean and Cas have met outside of this home, Cas could have introduced Dean and Mom, and Mom would have loved him. Before Dad died, Mom was sociable and a great cook, hosting dinner parties and doting on her children - and her garden. After Dad died, Mom wasn’t too different, if a bit more of a recluse. Cas missed out on her years of health, when he moved away.

Cas kisses Mom’s cheek when he leaves. “I love you,” he tells her.

Mom smiles, like she used to. “And so you should,” and hugs him.

He might tear up walking out of the home, but that’s between him and the receptionist.

~

“How do we have such a fucking weird family?” Anna asks, as soon as Cas comes in.

Cas blinks and shrugs. “Why? Has anything happened?”

“Hael’s got a boyfriend.”

He sits down at the table. “What about Cassie?”

“Yeah, that’s the thing. They’ve both got a boyfriend, this guy called Adam? Like, sharing him?” Anna shakes her head. “Threesomes are a lot of fun, though.”

Balls in Cas’s face, a cock down his throat, a tongue up his ass and hands fucking everywhere. “Yeah,” Cas nods emphatically. 

Together, they remember who they’re talking to, and both colour.

“What’s a threesome?” pipes up Kristen, having just entered the room.

Anna and Cas look at each other. “Never you mind,” Anna tells her daughter.

“Is Hael coming home any time soon?”

Anna shakes her head. “She’s currently in Michigan, I’m not sure why. Planning on choosing the next place with a dart and a map of the States. I wish she called more.”

It has been a long time since they last saw Hael, and she rarely calls Cas. She used to, but Cas would say he was far too busy to talk. And then he’d say goodbye, put the phone down and turn on the TV. Looking back, he was lonely back in Nebraska.

~

Dean kisses him, when they meet up after his shift. Dean puts his hands on Cas’s face and pulls him in, down, for Dean is shorter than he is. They kiss for some time, outside a cafe, broken apart by the buzzing of Dean’s cell phone.

“Hold up,” says Dean, putting his finger on Cas’s mouth. Cas sucks it into his mouth. “Mom?”

He swirls his tongue around the finger.

“You - what, what’s in the car?”

He nips the finger.

“Really? Do you really need it now?”

Cas releases Dean’s thumb and it slips down his face.

Dean sighs heavily. “Fine, I’m coming.” He puts his phone back in his pocket and scowls. “My mom needs something in the car. I gotta drive home.”

“What, and leave me here?” Dean had picked him up, leaving Cas no way to get home.

“You could come,” Dean says. He shrugs, “Or, you know, whatever,” he adds, embarrassed.

“I would love to meet your mother,” Cas assures him.

Dean grins, and kisses Cas once again. “Good, she’s gonna love you.”

Dean drives far too fast and with far too loud music, thumping down the highway and screeching around small corners, but very shortly they arrive at his house. They pull up in front of a white house with green gables. Dean smiles up at it and slides out of the driver’s seat, and Cas does the same his side. Flowers line the house, geraniums and hydrangeas, and Cas stops to look closer at the array of colours. Dean knocks and the door is opened by a woman with greying hair, who hugs Dean and kisses his cheek.

“Thanks, hon,” she says warmly, as Dean hands over a plastic bag. “You boys want in for a coffee?”

“Mom,” Dean rolls his eyes. “I’m thirty four. Stop talking to me like I’m a little kid.”

“Oh, sweetie, you’ll always be a baby to me.”

Cas smiles as Dean rolls his eyes again.

Mary makes them all coffee and they sit at the table, talking about nothing. She’s nice, Mary. She asks him about his family and he tries not to evade her questions, she talks about her day of gardening and asks about Dean’s brother Sam.

“My sister has a son called Sam,” says Cas suddenly.

“How old?” Mary asks, turning her mug around.

Cas has to think about that. “I think he’s nine, nearly ten. Samandriel is his full name.”

Mary smiles. “A few years until the disaster years. My Sam was a horrible teenager. He’d stomp about the house, yell at everyone in his way and was generally a real…” she struggles for words.

“Prick,” Dean offers, and Mary slaps his shoulder. “Is your sister married?”

“Anna’s in a civil union,” Cas replies. “Her partner’s called Jo, and they’ve been together since high school.”

“Ah,” says Mary, and she doesn’t ask more. They stay for dinner, a home baked lasagne, which is burnt and the mince tastes somewhat unpleasant, but a lot of affection has been put into the meal.

“I knew you’d come for dinner today,” says Mary, looking fondly at her son. “I have this sixth sense.”

Dean rolls his eyes.

“This is delicious, Mary,” Castiel says politely. He was raised with proper manners, after all.

Mary tilts her head when she looks at him. “That’s sweet of you, Cas, but I know I’m an awful cook.”

“Mom can’t even make toast without burning it,” says Dean through a mouthful, earning a chide from his mother.

Dean revels in his mother’s attention; he clears away the dishes and wipes down the table, offers to come by at the weekend to mow her lawn. Cas teases him as they leave, after Dean’s melted in his mother’s embrace.

“So you’re a momma’s boy.”

Dean shoves him. “Ain’t nothing wrong with loving my mom, okay.”

“Okay,” Cas grins. “I just hadn’t ‘pegged’ you as such. It’s very cute.”

“Shut up,” Dean replies, blushing. The date gets moved to Dean’s brother’s house, where they sit and drink coffee, talking about their childhoods.

Dean shares tales about his father, a very masculine man who was all Dean had ever wanted to be. He doesn't mention how this was before he’d realized he was trans - or if it was. He doesn’t mention at this point he was living as a girl, and maybe it doesn’t matter. Dean misses his father greatly, something Cas can’t completely relate to. he loved his father a great deal, respected him more than any other person, but his dad was never as affectionate as his mom.

That didn’t seem to matter to Anna, Naomi or Inias, but he and Hael would spend long times together discussing the various faults and strengths of their parents, amidst talking about sexuality and Hael’s compulsions.

“She’s got OCD but she’s happy to take a road trip?” Dean widens his eyes, listening to Cas talking about his little sister.

“I think what she finds a problem with things which aren’t clean are that they aren’t hers. Her mess is fine, and by extension her girlfriend Cassie is included in this, but it can be difficult for her.”

“And she’s not seeing a therapist while she’s doing this?”

Cas frowns. “Hael’s had many therapists, only one of which she has found beneficial. She soon retired, and Hael got a new therapist she hated. From this, and other factors, Hael decided she’d go on this road trip and have regular phone appointments as therapy. I’m not sure how successful it is being, but if Hael is enjoying herself and keeping healthy, I believe she’s for the best.”

Dean nods. “That’s fair, dude.”

As their conversation lulls, Cas starts to follow where Dean’s looking. He looks at Cas, and down at his lips like he can’t stop himself. Eyes, lips, eyes, lips, it carries on. Dean’s hand rests on the table, and Cas leans over and grabs it. He pulls it, raises it to his lips and kisses. Cas leans over the table to kiss Dean on the lips, dryly at first but then Dean kisses him, and Cas kisses him after, and then Dean licks his lips. As soon as there’s a slight wetness involved, Cas pokes out his tongue, licking at Dean’s lips to open them. He obliges, and Dean’s mouth is hot and damp, his teeth smooth and delicious.

Cas licks out the taste of coffee, more bitter than he likes himself. There’s a noise at the doorway, a clearing of the throat, and like caught teenagers they turn and stare at the doorway in horror.

Jessica, the woman Cas had met once at the park, stands looking unimpressed. “Dean, seriously, I’ve had enough of finding you making out with people at my dinner table. You have a bedroom of your own - but for the love of God, turn on some fucking music.”

Dean turns back to Cas and kisses him slowly. Jessica sighs behind him.

Dean comes back quickly. “Like you and Sam aren’t at it every minute of the day,” he says.

“Not at the table we eat at! Dean, you know the rules about where you have sex, Jesus!”

Cas pulls away, snickering to himself.

“What are you saying about me?” Dean demands.

“That you’re a horny pig. Get out of the kitchen, both of you!”

Dutifully chastened, Dean leaves the room holding Cas’s hand tight. Cas follows him up the stairs into the room Cas has been in once before, but he was too drunk to really take it in.

It’s cute. Star Wars posters, Led Zeppelin, Creedence Clearwater Revival, a scary poster featuring The Shining. A record player sits at the far wall, open and ready to play with a large box of records beneath. Dean lets go of Cas’s hand and rummages through the box. There’s another two boxes under the bed - which has Star Trek sheets.

Cas stares at them. Dean’s pulled out a record and turns to Cas, and catches his expression. He blushes again as he follows Cas’s eyes to the Star Trek sheets. “They were a birthday present,” he mutters.

“You’re thirty four,” Cas says, in shock.

“Star Trek is cool, no matter what age.”

“Yes, but Star Trek bedsheets are not.”

Deans shrugs him off and puts the record in his hand away. “Hey, what music do you like?”

Cas ponders the question. Castiel does enjoy listening to music but he doesn't do it often, and very rarely does he listen to the radio; it’s not something he feels he knows much about, but he knows it is a prominent feature in Dean’s life. “I like…”

What does he like? Classical music, of course, the kind his mother would play inside the house insisting it kept her plants happy. He enjoys… what are they called? “Coldplay. I like Coldplay.”

Dean pulls a face. “Dude, no. What else?”

God, this is difficult. “Nick Cave,” he says eventually. “And Leonard Cohen.”

Dean brightens up. ”Okay, I can work with that.” He moves away from the record player and pulls out the boxes from under the bed, rummaging through them with his butt pointing towards Cas. He would very much like to pull down those pants and start to kiss it.

“Aha!” Dean holds up a record, triumphant. Cas tries to see what it says, but he’s only shown the back. Dean fusses for a minute, wiping it with a cloth and very delicately handling it, and then onto the player it goes. The slow piano starts to play, and Cas recognises _Into My Arms._

He smiles at Dean. Dean smiles back, his cocky expression broken for the minute. Cas encircles him with his arms, and together they sway to the music. Dean’s nose bumps Cas’s chin. It’s comforting, swaying to NIck Cave’s low voice, rumbling as they turn on the step, low and soothing as Dean pecks Cas’s jaw.

Dean nips him, suddenly, as the song ends. Cas licks his lips and leans down, to lick Dean’s nose. He squirms and bursts out laughing. “Dude, why? That’s gross,” he splutters, trying to wipe his nose on Cas’s cheek.

“You’re aware that we had our tongues in each other’s mouths not half an hour ago?” asks Cas.

“You’re aware that you’re a dick,” is Dean’s cutting reply.

Cas starts to come back, but Dean stops him, with his lips. Kissing Dean is very nice, in fact he could probably do it for hours. They sink onto Dean’s bed. Cas starts to tug Dean’s shirt off, keeping an eye on his face so he knows if he should stop.

Dean lets him.

Cas pulls off the shirt and kisses the soft part of Dean’s belly, where the fat has accumulated. It’s soft and lovely, he kisses it and sucks it, and works his way up Dean’s chest. There are very faint lines below Dean’s pectoral muscles.

“Top surgery,” Dean murmurs.

“Top surgery?”

Dean shrugs. “You know, boob reduction. Got me flat chested and gorgeous.”

“Quite,” Cas replies, kissing along the scars. He’s got little chest hair, and if Cas remembers correctly, Dean has little body hair at all. He doesn’t do anything to it, as far as Cas is aware, for the only stubble has been on Dean’s face. Naturally, he’s not very hairy, it would seem. He latches onto a nipple, pulling it between his teeth and sucking with force. Dean moans and thrusts his hips up. Cas feels Dean’s packer against his leg. He rubs on it, interested in what it feels like.

“You know I don’t feel that, right?”

“I’m interested,” replies Cas.

Dean pushes himself up on his elbows. “It’s just like, a soft dildo, dude. Got this kind of funnel thing so I can pee through it, and it makes me look like I’ve got Y chromosomal junk, so…”

Dean pulls it out and puts it into his bedside table drawer. Cas is free to pull the rest of the jeans down, and the boxers, until Dean is naked and stretched out in front of him. Naked, but wearing socks, Cas notes as a foot is looped around him and finds its way up into his loose shirt. Cas kisses Dean’s mouth, and then his chin, his chest, his stomach, his hipbones... he enjoys Dean’s hipbones, and Dean moans when Cas sucks on the hard points. Cas bites them, and Dean laughs. And then, he’s at Dean’s genitals, warm and waiting. He looks, and looks again, because…

“Wow,” Cas says, sitting back.

“What?”

“Your…” He’s embarrassed to say the word out loud, despite being thirty eight and having had a lot of sex. Well, some sex. Enough that he can consider himself experienced.

“Oh, the clit? I know, man. It’s awesome. It’s the T - testosterone,” he clarifies. “I inject it twice a week. About a year into it, my clit was huge. Look at this thing, man, I’m still not over it. You should have seen it to begin with…”

Cas smiles at him, and Dean starts to frown. “What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing,” Cas shakes his head. Dean doesn’t look like he’s going to be deterred, so Cas explains. “You’re embarrassed by how you love your mother, but not for the enthusiasm about your - uh, clitoris.” The tips of his ears darken when he stumbles over the word, but Cas looks at Dean the same.

“It’s fucking awesome. Look, touch it.” Dean waggles his hips, and Cas does better than that and takes it into his mouth. It’s two, maybe two and a half inches long, in total. Some is hidden beneath his clitoral hood and is inside of him, but it’s hard and sensitive.

Dean sucks in a breath. “Oh, thank fuck.” he moans. “I’ve needed this.”

It’s big enough that Cas can swirl his tongue around it, but then it’s taken away from him as Dean twists away. Dean delves back into the bedside table drawer, and pulls out a bottle of lube. “Just in case,” he says gruffly, placing it near Cas’s arm. Cas begins to suck on Dean’s lips, revelling in Dean’s moaning.

As it had ruined the moment before, Cas’s phone buzzes. He ignores it, in favour of licking Dean’s clit, but it keeps on buzzing. He sighs and regretfully leaves Dean’s beautiful vagina.

It’s Anna. “What?” he asks grouchily.

“It’s Mom,” says Anna, sounding worried. “She’s sick.”

“How sick?” Cas sits upright in bed. Dean sits back on his elbows and looks up at CAs, concerned.

“She’s having this heart thing… Cas, she’s in hospital. I’m heading over there now, Jo’s looking after the kids. Meet me?”

“Of course.” Cas starts doing up his buttons on his shirt. Anna hangs up the phone before they say goodbye.

“What’s wrong?” Dean’s concern is written all over his face, reassuring to Cas.

“My mom’s sick, she’s in hospital.” Cas starts to bite on his lip, how would she cope in hospital when it’s so hard for her in a home designed to look after her?

Dean rubs a hand over his mouth. “I can drive you, just let me get dressed.” Dean forgoes his packer, even his underwear, pulling on his clothes as fast as he can and rummaging through his pockets for his keys.

Back in the car, driving fast down the highway, and it’s not long until they pull up outside the hospital and Anna’s there, smoking a cigarette. Cas blinks in shock - Anna’s not smoked as far as Cas was aware since she was a teenager. He takes her into his arms and kisses her head. “Is it bad?”

Dean joins them.

“No,” Anna pulls away. “Not as bad as I’m making it out to be. She’s fine, really, just had like… well, they say she’s fine, say she just need a bit of help to get back to normal, but what’s normal for her?” Anna laughs shakily.

“Anna, what’s happened to your mother?” asks Dean, keeping his face calm. He does this, he knows what he’s doing, and in an urge of gratefulness, Cas takes his hand.

“She had a heart attack, and then her heart starting beating really fast and they were worried it would fail… she’s stable now,” she reassures Cas.

Cas looks at Dean. Dean claps Anna on the shoulder comfortingly. “Right, is there someone else from the home here?”

“I think so...”

Dean disappears off into the hospital.

“Sorry, Cas,” Anna says, trying to regain her composure. “It was just a shock… I’ve not called any of the others yet, I don’t want to worry them when I don’t have to.”

“Shall we go inside?” he asks, meaning is she ready to.

Anna shrugs. “I might go call Jo.”

Cas nods and hugs her once more. “Mom will be okay,” he soothes. Cas has never been a soothing person, and Anna scoffs into his shoulder. “Yeah, how do you know that?”

He does not know, so he leaves.They had been outside the main entrance to the hospital, and now Castiel realises he doesn't know where his mother is. There’s a reception desk, which he goes over to.

“How may I help you?” asks the man, sitting with tired eyes but a pleasant smile.

“My mother is in this hospital,” Cas begins. “I am not entirely sure where she is, are you able to help me?”

“What’s her name?”

Cas tells the man her name, her birthday and tells him he’s her son. He’s directed to a ward on the north wing, third floor. He chooses to walk up the stairs and leave the elevators for the sick patients, as the signs ask him to do, and he steps out into the long corridor. He walks down, looking at every different room name, and at the end there are a set of double doors with an intercom button. He looks around, wondering where Dean’s got to, and then he sees a room called ‘Relatives Room.’

The door is shut, but on a whim Cas pushes it open, and there’s Dean talking to another carer from the home, one of his colleagues. They both look up at him when he enters, it’s just the two of them in the room.

“Your mom’s in the ward,” Dean’s colleague tells him. Cas looks at her nametag, Lisa.

Cas doesn’t leave, as Lisa had hoped he would. Instead, he takes a seat. “Did you come to the hospital with her?” he asks.

Lisa nods. “Yeah, I was the one who called the ambulance. We’re pretty prepared for all sorts of hospital visits, you get to know the certain departments pretty quickly in this line of work.”

Cas frowns. He’s not sure he likes the way Lisa’s talking about his mother, like she’s just a part of her job.

Lisa seems to realise she’s being insensitive, for she adds, “You get kind of desensitized to it all. I am sorry, but your mom seems to be doing pretty well, all things considered. She doesn’t need a carer with her at the moment, as the nurses are doing their stuff. They sent me off to have a kind of break… shall I take you to her?”

Cas is nervous, he bites his lip and looks at Dean. “I’ll wait here,” says Dean. “In case your sister comes, and I don’t want to get in the way.”

You won’t be in the way. Cas desperately wants him there, a support for him, but Lisa leads him out of the room. Lisa presses the intercom button. “Hi, it’s Lisa, I’m here with Mrs Milton’s son.”

The double doors swing open. Lisa takes him through the ward, passing nurses and doctors and all sorts of medical professionals. Sick patients tied up to machines, that beep and monitor and keep them alive. It’s close to midnight, and the ward is bustling. Cas gets the impression that the lights never go out, that no one here sleeps. Mom’s drowsing in her bed. She looks older, softer. Lisa touches Cas’s arm. “I’m gonna leave you here,” she says.

Cas nods. “Thank you,” he says, and he means it.

“Hi, Mom,” Cas says, touching her shoulder. “How are you doing?”

“Castiel?” Mom blinks blearily at him. “Hi, love.”

“Hi, Mom,” Cas repeats, smiling. “Heard you had a…” no, he won’t say it. “Heard you…” Cas shakes his head. “Hello.”

“Hello,” Mom says back to him.

“How are you feeling?”

Mom frowns. “I… the machines, they’re loud. Turn the radio off, please, Castiel.”

There’s no radio.

A nurse hurries over. “Are you Mrs Milton’s son?”

It never ceases to make Castiel smile - no matter what the state of his mother, she will always insist upon being called Mrs Milton from anyone younger than her. “I am, yes.”

“We’ll be moving her to a private room in the morning,” she assures him. “I’ll let you sit with your mother for ten minutes, but I’m afraid I do have to insist you leave her afterwards to allow her some rest.”

“My sister will be coming up,” says Cas.

The nurse nods. “That’s okay.”

Mom’s half asleep, and she doesn’t say anything anyway. Anna joins them a few minutes later, rubbing her hands with the hospital issue alcohol rub. “Mom!”

Anna hugs her.

“Anna?”

“Yes, Mom, it’s me. God, you terrified us all.” Anna smiles at Mom, who frowns.

“Language, Anna,” Mom chides.

Anna grins. “Sorry, Mom.”

“We don’t have long,” Cas tells his sister. “They want her to get some rest?”

“Who is ‘her’?” Mom pipes up, irritation in her voice. “The cat’s mother?”

“You, Mom,” Cas tells her. “They want you to get some sleep.”

“Why,” Mom draws herself up in bed, and then she pales, and sinks back down. She does look tired, they really should leave her. “Why,” she repeats, weaker than before. “I’m seventy t- I’m seventy…”

“Seventy four,” Cas says quietly, reminding her.

“Am I?” Mom’s puzzled.

“Yes,” say Anna and Cas in tandem.

“Seventy four,” Mom mutters. “I can jolly well go to sleep when I want!”

“Of course you can, Mom,” Anna starts to stroke her hair back from her face. “Whenever you want.”

“Yes, whenever I want.” Mom nods, sleepily. It is, after all, well past the usual time she would sleep and she’s had a hectic day, from what Cas understands. They stand with her for another five minutes before the nurse returns, asking if they wouldn’t mind leaving. They join Lisa and Dean in the relatives’ room. Cas doesn’t care who’s there, he doesn’t care that he - relatively speaking - hardly knows Dean, he sits beside him and rests a head on his shoulder, suddenly overcome with tiredness. Dean lies back, and Cas’s head settles on his chest, and he drifts off listening to Lisa and Anna talk, Dean’s hand rubbing his back soothingly.

He’s woken up a while later, groggy and disoriented and allows Dean to lead him out, kiss him goodbye and put him safely in Anna’s car. Anna gives him a sideways glance, because she’s gonna ask him about this later, but she doesn’t say anything. They enter the house at nearly 1am. Cas heads straight for the coffee machine, Anna heads straight for bed. He curls up on the couch and sinks back to sleep, wishing he once again had Dean’s arms around him.

The couch moves, and a warm body fusses next to him. Cas, waking unwillingly, cracks open one eye. Allie’s next to him, in her pyjamas and carrying a small teddy bear.

“Good morning,” mutters Cas, only half awake, rubbing his bleary eyes.

Allie scowls at him; Cas isn’t sure why. She resolutely pops a thumb into his mouth and curls up on the couch, fishing down the cushions for the remote. She grins around the thumb when the brightly colored cartoons come on. Pokemon’s the new Big Thing in Allie’s life, from what Cas has heard. There’s pokemon plushies, Nintendo DSs with the latest games, discussions of which pokemon is best and even some vintage cards flying around at the breakfast tables. .

It probably is time Cas goes to bed, but some parental instinct in him never felt before leads him to blink and try to wake himself up, preoccupying himself in the TV show. “What’s going on?” he asks Allie, hoping to engage her for perhaps the first time.

Allie allows her thumb to slip out of her mouth long enough to say, “Tentacools,” before it goes back in.

Cas remembers tentacools, the strange jellyfish-like pokemon, and he nods. “And Team Rocket too, am I correct?”

“I hate them,” says Allie, matter of fact.

“Me too.” Cas actually doesn’t hate them, he thinks they are rather entertaining, but his instincts tell him to agree with Allie, with whatever she says.

He falls asleep on the couch, as the tentacools pour over the city, chanting eerily. A sticky hand on his face wakes his up, not long later. “Whaa?”

Nice. It’s the damp thumb that’s been his mouth for hours on Cas’s face, patting him awake. ‘C’mon,” she urges, scowling. “Cas, we gotta go.”

“Go where?” Is this a dream? No – ouch, Allie hits him quickly. “Ow! Allie,., you don’t hit!”

“I’m not!” she protests. “You were falling back t’sleep.”

He groans, and lets himself be led from the cosy couch and to the back door. Allie stares pointedly at it, for Cas to open it. He yawns as he does so, stepping out into the garden and…

Dawn’s breaking. The sun isn’t up yet, but he can see it peeking beneath the line of trees. The air is cool and crisp, the sky a deep blue, getting lighter and lighter and tinged with purple, pink, orange, on the way towards the sun.

“Pretty,” says Allie.

Cas agrees. He very much agrees.

Mom’s much happier in her private room, with the TV and ensuite bathroom. Her dementia means that she’s very regularly checked up on, and a carer from the home sits with her most of the day and is on call at night, residing in the on site accommodation. He doesn’t recognise the woman sitting with Mom today, but she leaves when Cas enters the room, to give him some space. It’s not much of a change from sitting with Mom in the home. The TV gives them a welcome distraction, if Mom’s happy for it to be turned on. She doesn’t talk much, and when she does it’s about her own childhood, clear as a bell, until Cas asks any questions. He quickly learns not to press, only to make interested noises and try to show his appreciation.

~

Hael has funny ideas about superstitions, from time to time. A phase in her childhood led her to repeat how bad things happen in threes, every time something bad happened. Three’s her magic number, since then. Bad things happen in threes, and since Anna’s house just simply isn’t crowded enough, Hael’s broken up with her girlfriend and boyfriend and is on her way home.

“Can’t you stay in a motel or something?” Anna asks desperately down the phone.

“Hael, I really have no space here!” There’s more talking on the other end, which Cas tries to listen to but has no hope. “Fine! You can have the sitting room. There’s a crappy old cot in the attic, I’ll get Cas to set it up for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, love you too,” Anna says finally, and she hangs up the phone. She sighs heavily and sits down at the table. “Jesus, like it’s not busy enough in here!”

Cas dithers awkwardly in the kitchen. “Would you like some tea?”

Anna grunts.

“Is there something upsetting you?”

“Cas, you don’t have to do this. I know emotions aren’t exactly your forte,” Anna says brutally.

Cas swallows. “I’m trying-” he starts, but Anna gets up and goes into the other room.

He doesn’t even know if she wants tea or not.

~

Hael talks to Mom non stop. She holds her hand and chatters away about her road trips, about the Grand Canyon, about all the sights she’s seen. She sits uncomfortably in Cas’s car - well, Anna’s car, chewing on her lip and tapping her fingers in the rhythm she’s always had as a kid.

Hael bolts out of the car door before Cas has rolled fully to a stop. She’s quick to the bathroom, Cas following slowly behind, and Hael’s just staring at the bathroom.

“Cas…” she starts, tears in her eyes. “I don’t have to - I can go in there and wash my hands and I’m not gonna - nothing bad is going to happen if I don’t clean it first.”

“You’re correct,” says Cas, placing a hand on Hael’s shoulder and guiding her into the bathroom. She starts to wash her hands, slowly, under scalding hot water. Cas reaches out carefully and lowers the temperature. Hael bites her lip, quelling an argument.

“Fuck, sorry about this,” she says after she’s finished and has wiped her hands on some toilet paper. “I’ve been really fucking up since - Cassie and Adam.”

Cas smiles. “Hael, you’re not fucking up.”

“Hael!” cry the kids. Allie throws her arms around Hael’s waist and hugs tight. Hael grimaces but tries a shaky smile down at her niece. “Allie! Nice to see you too, kiddo. And - Sam, Kristen.” She winces as the other two hug her as well, but Cas smiles reassuringly at her.

She doesn’t push them away, which is good. “Guys, kind of crushing me,” she says. “Where’s Zaza?”

“Kitchen,” says Sam, who was the first to pull away.

“Kristen, Allie, mind letting go?”

“Lift me up, lift me up,” Allie clamours.

Cas picks her up instead, Allie’s legs either side of his hip. He puts her on the table and kisses her forehead. “I’m going out,” he tells Hael and Jo.

Jo grins. “And with who?”

Cas keeps his face straight and pockets the car keys again. “Goodbye,” he says stiffly, and walks out of the kitchen.

“It’s occurring to me,” Dean begins, drinking his cup of coffee in the coffee shop they’re together in, “how incredibly lame it is that us, two thirty-something dudes, are both living with our siblings and their children.”

“I had a house before I came back to Kansas,” says Cas.

“Yeah, well, bully for you. I didn’t.”

“When did you move in with your brother?”

“It’s complicated…” Dean toys with the teaspoon. “First, I had an apartment of my own, Sam moved in after he graduated, he wanted to move in with Jessica so… she moved in. Dad got sick, Dad died, I started working in a home pretty soon after. Sam and Jessica were looking for a house and uh - I tried living alone for like a month. I don’t like it much.”

“Living alone?”

“Yeah.” Dean licks his lip and clears his throat. “Anyway, that’s my life story. How’s your mom doing?”

“The doctor’s say she’ll be out soon, only there’s a complication… a kidney infection, I think.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty common in hospitals. All the catheters… sucks for her,” he reaches across and pats Cas’s hand.

“What was wrong with your father?”

Dean licks his lip again. “Uh - he had a stroke, when I was in my early twenties. Screwed him all up, and Mom had to take proper care of him. Then he had another stroke…” Dean clears his throat loudly. “Anyway.”

“You miss him?”

Dean looks up at him, quirking an eyebrow. Cas flushes a bright, hot red. “Sorry,” he mutters. “Of course you do.”

“He was a great man.”

“And he raised a great son.”

It’s Dean’s turn to blush, making his eyes stand out. He grins at Cas and takes Cas’s hand in his. “Hey - I told Sammy I’d babysit for him tonight so he and Jessica could have a night off. Wanna come help me?”

“Sure,” Cas grins.

“Awesome. Come over at seven? I’ll cook,” Dean offers.

“It’s a date.”

Dean beams at him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi babes! My grandma has vascular dementia and I look after her from time to time so uh writing about it cutely with Dean and Cas getting together really helps me. 
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> [I'm on tumblr ](http://floralchesters.tumblr.com)
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> \- Cait xoxo


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